Thanks for sharing your story, Lucy -- your joy in living your life smoke-free is inspirational.
What makes you feel fortunate, alive, happy...what makes you smile at the sky? For me it is many things, but mostly it is the contrast between the last few summers of my life and this summer.
For quite a number of years, I had allowed some things to become presences in my life that made it less than wonderful. Dealing with those things kept me from being true to myself and from being really in touch with what, to me, are the essences of life. For the past month I have been feeling more and more alive, and more fortunate, than I have in years.
For the past few years, I had not planted much in my garden and, when I did, it mostly went to weeds as I couldn't deal with the heat, humidity, mosquitoes and horseflies to weed and harvest it. Me, someone who comes from a long line of gardeners, who had always smiled SO widely the first time I could get out each spring and feel the warmth of the sun on my face. Me, who loved to get dirt on my knees, under my fingernails and between my toes while putting in peas and spinach and radishes as soon as the ground warmed up enough to work with six inches of mud! For the last few years though, I'd felt depressed, tired, and have even battled a vitamin B deficiency.
When I quit smoking, I made some changes, took back my life, and have been feeling more and more energetic. I put out the cranky man who had been living with me for ten years; got rid of a dangerous dog and adopted a sweet one (plus two girl cats destined for the smokehouse, if you know what that means).
I began to nurture relationships with the wonderful, wide variety of people I work with, and began working on my house, adding porches, refinishing floors, etc. I planted herbs and vegetables. Perhaps most importantly, I found this forum a few months into my quit, while experiencing some real distress -- I was having trouble breathing and had chest tightness.
I do think that my vitamin B deficiency was due to stress, even though the doctors don't see it that way...probably because when I pick up a B complex vitamin jar, it says "stress tabs." I believe that the stress of not living my life well -- living with people who caused me stress drained these vitamins in me. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel so much better now with the changes I've made in my life.
I am at a point where I see how precious every day is, and how wonderful every green thing growing is as well. I have to stop and study large spiders making webs, find pictures in the shapes of clouds, breathe in the wonderful scents of the woods, fresh cut hay, and wood smoke. I rejoice in the fact that I no longer breathe the smell of secondhand cigarette smoke into my delicate lungs.
Someone on this forum recently mentioned the scent of clean hair, unsullied by cigarette smoke. I remembered this as I took a barette out of my hair today, shook my head and still, after two days, smelled the fresh scent of my shampoo. For years my hair, clothes, car, house, had reeked of tobacco smoke! I would drive to see a boyfriend who didn't like that smell with a scarf around my hair while I smoked as much as I could before I got there. Ugh!
My Smoke Free Garden...
Life without cigarettes is a wonderful garden, and I feel that my fellow cessationers here at this forum are each distinctive plants in that garden. Some are fleeting and fragile like a sweet petunia, others rugged and strong like a spiderwort. All are beautiful in a unique way -- all are special and very beloved.Thanks to all of you for being here, for you have helped me find renewal. This place of healing is wonderful and special, and I am so glad to have found it and all of you.
~Lucy~
