Kae's 2 Year Smoke Free Milestone

"I was so tired of planning my life around my addiction."

Two years ago, in the middle of the day, I shredded the few cigarettes I had left, and flushed them.

Why?

I was so tired of feeling ashamed of smelling like smoke...

I was beginning to be afraid of what they were doing to my health...

I was ashamed that I smoked around my children...

I was annoyed that I had to go outside every day at work each hour for a cigarette...along with so so many other reasons! As I think back now, the driving force was power...

I was so tired of planning my life around my addiction.

If there weren't cigarettes available in the morning, I would be angry - I needed my fix. If I didn't have a cigarette in the house; I would choose from a stubbed out butt. If I had to go out in the middle of a storm, I would most certainly go... Yes, I was a chain smoker and by no means did I or anyone around me find it glamorous!

I had the desire to quit smoking for a while before I took the plunge; I did not have the conviction, however, until September 2, 2004. What made me finally do it? Hmmm... Welbutrin helped (yes, it worked for me), but there was a little courage inside of me that found its way to the top. A little voice that told me I could do this - told me I could rely on myself and not the addiction. That one little piece of courage got me on my way...and then I found this wonderful forum. What a Godsend!

I don't know how long my smidgen of courage would have lasted without having it reinforced by the beautiful folks here. I was a newbie...a smoker of 20 years who had never seriously quit and never seriously thought that I could.

Because of the tenured folks here, I had people with experience to lean on - thank you all from the bottom of my heart! Because of the other newbies, (you know exactly who you are; I had someone who could relate at the time. It felt like hell...but I cried and laughed and ranted with members of this forumily and here I am...I kicked this addiction. I feel absolutely wonderful and it is BETTER!

It's true that it gets better! If it didn't get better I would not be here at my 2 year mark! I know that these are only words; but please remember - all of you who are just starting out - I was exactly where you are and I remember hearing those exact same words and thinking "yeah right". Guess what?

YEAH RIGHT - IT DOES GET BETTER!!!

I know that it will always be lurking around and possibly trying to lure me back...but I am so strong now. I know what one puff will do. I know that I have this forumily to lean on and guess what...

I DON'T EVEN WANT A STINKING CIGARETTE!!!

If I can make it to the 80% club (2 years smoke free), I truly believe that each and every one of you can! I was a hard addict! I was totally (emotionally and physically) dependent on this horrid addiction. My life revolved around smoking.

NO MORE - I AM FREE! IT FEELS SO VERY GOOD!!!

More from Kae:
Kae's 6 Month Milestone
A Goodbye to Cigarettes
A Life Lost to Lung Cancer