Congratulations, Lexy!
Wowza! Two years. 365 days plus 365 days. Thousands of hours, millions of minutes and trillions of seconds without sticking anything deadly, lethal or stinky in my mouth.
I have no idea how I ever had the time, let alone the money to smoke 40 fags a day. I must have been going some - no wonder I used to stay up til stupid o'clock in the morning every day just to smoke those things. Talk about living behind a smoke screen; hiding in the shadows of emotional suffocation!
As I reflect on this journey, I realize that the process is a long one which requires determination, dedication, will, support, bloody-mindedness and a desire to change. None of which comes easy when your brain is wired as a smoker and the layers of your life are laced with nicotine!
This second smoke-freeyear has been amazing. Gone is most of the fear that if something "bad" was to happen, my inner-instinct would be to smoke. In fact, only recently for the first time in over 15 years I have had to take time off work - two months due to an agonizing back problem. Did I think about smoking? Nope! Also recently, my daughter became very poorly requiring her to have two months off work and me to take on the role of her caretaker. Did I think of smoking? Nope! Do I consider myself well and truly re-wired? You betcha! But it took time and patience; no short cuts available, no cheats to be had.
Every day I protect what I have worked so hard to achieve. My non-smoking self is so precious, so truly wondrous that I say a silent "thank you" and wrap my quit up tightly in safety straps of the strongest steel and bubble-wrap of the bounciest kind. Why? Because, though the journey of quitting may have come to an end, it's as close as one cigarette smoked to being ruined. And as my daughter smokes, it's as easy as walking into my kitchen and taking one from her packet . Which has never been and will never be an option. I can't change her choices, but boy do I have full control of mine!
For everyone out there still struggling - you can do this thing. I was a serial quitter until I found this forum and the people on it who joined hands and hearts across the miles to love, support, teach and save me. I'd be lying if I said it was easy, but quitting isn't the killer here, it's the smoking that will do that to us.
If you NEVER put a cigarette in your mouth again you will NEVER smoke again. Simple, really. And when it's hard and when you have a melt-down, cry, shout at loved ones, pinch children or eat an entire cake-trolley, don't lose sight of the fact you are healing, and those very things are connections that are re-routing. Your circuits are buzzing and sparking - but it does stop and in its place comes peace, pleasure and normality - a better normality than ever! Be patient. Hang fast.
I have also managed to put my quitting strategies into losing weight and have lost 3 stone - so to anyone out there struggling with post-quit blubber - join a group; on-line or a local group. It's the mutual support that works, we prove it day after day here and it's transferable to other addictions. If you can quit the smokes, you can quit the sweeties!
My heartfelt thanks and all my love to my gorgeous man Pete who should have his very own halo for just being brave enough to live with me. He has saved me a million times over and I am the luckiest woman alive to be loved by this truly special person. And best of all, he loves me even more now I smell so good.
Cigarettes are gone from my life, untangled from my soul and obliterated from my consciousness. Journey's end - destination reached.
~Lexy
Smelling fantastic for 1 Year, 11 Months, 4 Weeks, 1 Day, 23 hours and 26 minutes (728 days). I have saved £6,560.78 by not smoking 29,159 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Months, 1 Week, 4 Days, 5 hours and 55 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: January 2,2009 23:30
