The whole world was my ashtray.No place was sacrosanct - not the car, not the family room, not my children's bedrooms. There was no "No Smoking" sign that could daunt me - I'd been known to lean against them to cover them up while I smoked. If you had asked me, I would have told you I was a considerate smoker. That's what all smokers think. The truth is there is no such thing as a considerate smoker, just like there is no such thing as a considerate Russian roulette player. Eventually, you are going to make a mess that someone else has to clean up.
I like to say that SOMEHOW, all the stars and planets aligned themselves perfectly with my decision to try, try again to kick the butts out of my life. Of course, that is not completely true. I had done extensive reading, and had found this forum where I lurked day after day, watching as people actually QUIT SMOKING! People who sounded amazingly similar to ME!
In the beginning, it was very rough.I struggled, and I had constant visitors. Their names were anger, self doubt, anxiety and depression. I couldn't seem to keep them out of my space, and they hammered me relentlessly about the AUDACITY I had to think I could desert my "best friend". I kept my eye on the prize and tried to ignore their nattering.
I got sick of the visitors and decided I needed reinforcements to boot them out of my life. So, I invited in Determination to be my body guard. Next, I welcomed in Gratitude as my new best friend. These friends served me well; they were great positives to replace that negative chatter. The unwanted guests still tried to hang around, still tried to sneak their way in, but they got weaker and weaker as the walls of my smoke free world got thicker, the locks got stronger, and my friends and I marched on. Gradually, the chains of addiction loosened - almost so gradually, I didn't really notice.
I can remember telling a Newbie the other day about my car stalling out in a parking lot on a frigid, below zero day with strong, gusty winds. The towing place I called promised to have a truck out to me within an hour. It got there 3 hours later. Was I mad? HECK yes! I was anxious, and mad, and freezing and I felt like crying. But through all of that - I never had one teensy weensy THOUGHT of a cigarette. It didn't even occur to me! When I posted this to the Newbie, it took me back - WOW! I never even realized it until weeks after the fact!
Do I still get depression, anger, etc. knocking at my door? Yeah, I do, but they would not DARE come around because of a cigarette. Determination, Gratitude, and I have come way too far for that! If I have thoughts about cigarettes at all, it's kind of like you would think of an old lover that you happen to run into. You might look at them and say - hmmmm! I had some GREAT times in that relationship! Then you think a minute, and you say - OH YEAH! NOW I remember - that SOB (gender neutral) was a rotten, no good slime bucket that was trying to destroy me! Thank GOD I kicked that Ash out of my life (pun intended)
As Henry Ford said: "If you think you can or think you can't you are right"So I say - give yourself a huge dose of positive attitude and be amazed at the miracles you can create for yourself in your own life.
Two years, 49 minutes and 30 seconds. 25586 cigarettes not smoked, saving $4,477.58. Life saved: 12 weeks, 4 days, 20 hours, 10 minutes.
Lesly's Quit Story
Lesly's 6 Month Milestone
Lesly Reaches One Year Smoke Free
Lesly's 3 Year Milestone
Book Review - The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr