Four years ago today...
I had no idea then, but October 29th, 2001 was destined to be one of the top ten days of my entire life...the day I quit smoking, once and for all.And boy, can I remember that last cigarette! I sat smoking it at my kitchen table and stubbed it out at 10:10am. I had no real faith that this would be the quit for me, but I was going to try...again.
I was ready to quit though, even if I didn't know it. Yes, I was terrified to leave my cigarettes behind, but I was SO SICK of smoking. Enduring the discomforts of withdrawal was more appealing at that point than the constant fear and frustration I felt. I was stressed out to the max and it all centered on my addiction.
I was 45 years old and could barely walk up a flight of stairs. I'd have to stop at the top to catch my breath before I could talk. Going out for a leisurely walk on level ground wasn't much different. I could walk, but talking while walking was breathless and difficult.
Every cold landed squarely in my lungs, usually within a day or two of the first sniffle. I suffered from chronic bronchitis, and would be left with a nasty smoker's cough that would linger weeks after the cold had gone. It was all very alarming. I knew my lungs were in bad shape. The Russian roulette I was playing with my health had become impossible to ignore.
I worried about cancer...is there a smoker who doesn't? I thought about what it would mean to my family if I had to leave them prematurely because I didn't find a way to quit in time. It made me sick to my stomach to think about it.
All of that fear and worry was destructive in other ways too. The lack of control I felt translated into poor self-esteem over time. I hated myself for being weak, and that affected how I presented myself to the world. And the funny part of it was, as much as I knew cigarettes were behind much of my angst, I also thought they helped me cope. I thought I needed them in order to live a full life. It looks silly when you see it in print, but any smoker will understand. Nicotine addiction twists our minds and makes us think irrationally - junkie thinking at its finest.
But now, four years later, here I am, free of addiction and enjoying my life more than I have in many years. I've learned so much along the way. I'd like to share 7 of the most important lessons I've learned with all of you here - especially those of you who are just starting out on this smoke free journey.
