At 49 young years of age, Dee was diagnosed with stage 1B non-small cell lung cancer. In her own words she thought of herself as fit and invincible, but her story is proof that the smoking-related diseases are indiscriminate. They can strike anyone at any time.
By opening up and taking readers along on her personal journey through cancer, Dee not only provides us with a view into how lung cancer changed her life, she gives us tools that can be used to build the resolve we need to break our own chains of addiction.
Dee's story cuts through the rose-tinted view we often have of smoking and forces us to see this addiction for what it is: a ruthless killer. There is no romance in smoking, and cigarettes are not our friends.
Thank you, Dee.
"Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around" -- a quote from Vanilla Sky (2001).
This is not a unique story; many people have gone down this path before me. Some are still fighting while others have died, but many have won.
On September 3rd, 2008, I was told that I had lung cancer. The good news was that it was stage 1B which, in medical terms, is not life-threatening; as long as the tumor is removed quickly.
"All tests confirm you have cancer."
My world crashed and burned, my heart stopped, my throat tightened, the tears collected and fell -- and disbelief set in. At that moment, the people you love and the life you have built flashes in front of you and when those words are spoken you know, deep in the pit of your stomach that everything is going to change. The future, the past and the present get all mixed up in your mind while hours upon hours are spent in hospital waiting rooms taking tests and waiting for doctors to explain results. Past regrets and future dreams play back to back as you look for the strength and hope to fight this crazy disease.
I had already lived the reality of what cancer can do. My father died of liver cancer on June 18, 2008. He was a very simple, honest and hard working man. He faced dying with the same quiet courage he faced life. He wanted to die at home without any medical intervention. I still remember how my mother closed his eyes and kissed him tenderly. They where married for 55 years; I could see how her heart was breaking. She lost her husband and best friend. Now she would have another heartache to face -- and so shortly after his burial. We would both need courage.
I could no longer deny that "I was fine, just tired."
When asked by people why I looked so pale and thin, "Working too hard I guess," was always my answer. The people closest to me saw the subtle changes occurring in both my temperament and body.
All of my doctors reminded me that I was one of the lucky ones. Stage 1 lung cancer is rarely diagnosed because it does not generally cause symptoms in the early stages and goes unnoticed until it has spread. This is why lung cancer is so fatal. It didn't matter who I saw during the testing process, everyone said the same thing -- they were all very interested in finding out what made me seek out medical attention when I did.
In my experience, stage 1 lung cancer has many symptoms which should not be ignored. They can easily be misunderstood and explained simply as stress-related or, if a smoker, smoking-related. I am one of the lucky ones because I did listen to the signals my mind and body were sending. I am hoping that, if you are a smoker, or have been, this story will help you listen to the delicate changes that are happening to your lungs, your body, and your mind, before it becomes too late.
A few years ago I had a riding accident which required surgery and rest. I never really took enough rest time after my surgery and my body started running down. When the body's immune system gets stuck on overdrive, too much stress and exercise can worsen the inflammation response. I developed a nagging persistent cough. For three winters I suffered from bronchitis and just last year, walking pneumonia. Instead of slowing down, I used band-aid solutions and large doses of antibiotics to keep going. I had x-rays done in January of 2006, none in 2007 and the growth was found in September of 2008.
The physiological changes did not happen overnight -- they took time. No one really knows how much time; but there were signs that something was amiss: sallow complexion; difficulty sleeping; weight loss; shortness of breath and wheezing on a regular basis, sometimes just by talking; chest pains when exercising or during deep breathing exercises.
One morning I woke up with a lump on my throat, the size of a gulf ball, "enlarged lymph nodes," was the diagnosis "could be a run down immune system." The lump lasted for three days and then it disappeared. But there remained a constant pressure and weight on my chest. All of these symptoms and only stage 1 -- how can this sickness be passing undetected?
I was experiencing all of the classic symptoms of burnout. I had not made my health a priority for a while and my immune system was breaking down due to over-work and worries. Fighting depression and mood swings was also normal; after all I had started smoking again, an old habit that was making me feel very guilty. I am a health care professional and fully understand the addictive trap I had fallen into. I used my father's illness and over-working as the excuse to let myself lose control. Before he died my promise to him was to stop smoking again and this time forever. But it was too late, the damage was done.
