One Year Smoke Free!

I started smoking when I was 20. I remember making myself smoke because I thought it was something I needed to do. I recall a close friend at the time saying to me "Artie, why are you smoking? You look stupid." If only I would've listened...but I was going through a bunch of adolescent discoveries and smoking gave me that confirmation of feeling different (some teenagers go through that rebellion, I was always a late bloomer :). Once I grew wiser I realized that "different" is what it's all about baby, but by then I was a nicotine addict and that wasn't about to let me go so easily.

My unhealthy romance with smoking had its ups and downs for the next thirteen years. Mostly downs.

I saw my skin & teeth and overall health change for the worse.

I became a liar.

"I'll quit when I'm 30, or when I have a relationship or when <so and so> quits." Um...bullroar.

I became a fool.

Smoking on breaks outside in 20 or 96 degree weather?! And what about the times of buying a pack of cigarettes before a much needed snack?

I became a sneak.

"Nope, I don't smoke." is what I told some dates before rushing home to smoke like a demon. Shameful.

Last year I had a terrible bout of strep throat for the third time in six months. It was wicked. My doctor's face dropped when he saw my swollen glands because I had only a couple of inches of breathing space. He shoved antibiotics down my throat and gave me the strongest pills known to man and told me stay away from all living things (I was contagious) and to call him in twelve hours if the swelling didn't go down. The next day the swelling did indeed go down yet I was left with fever sweats, laryngitis, body aches, trouble swallowing / sometimes breathing. What did I do to make myself feel better? I numbed my throat with Chloraseptic and smoked cigarettes. That's what addicts do.

It scared me. If a terrible health crisis couldn't stop me or at the least make me press pause on the smoking, then what would it take? I couldn't answer that question. I also couldn't answer why was I allowing something to have control over my thoughts, choices, finances, personality, my life. Why was I giving away all of my power? I needed to figure out what was the REAL issue.

Then I got pissed at myself for looking so stupid for so long. So I made a decision: Me or Cigarettes? I flushed the cigarettes down the toilet and cried for three days. It was a much needed cry. For the first time in thirteen years, I was truly powerful. I was the one in control.

I no longer choose to "confirm me" with a cigarette. I, just me, am enough.

The road to recovery isn't over and it hasn't been easy. But this is what I hold true:

Not One Puff Ever. I will never smoke again.

It's that simple. It's my grace.

Thank you forumily for educating, supporting, encouraging, enlightening, guiding...for saving me. I found this forum early in my quit and am 100% positive that my guardian angels had something to do with that because I have experienced life transformations with your words.

To all of those who are in the bowels of the nicobeast fighting the good fight: Stay strong, reaffirm, reassess, eat Doritos, do whatever it takes to stay quit.

You are worth it. We all are worth it.

So with a grateful, humble & truly excited spirit, I ask for my key to the 7% club, please.

Artie