"Something clicks and it’s close to month 6..."

"I’ve moved on, and lived my life somehow without cigarettes, and it’s ok."

I have bad days, good days and really bad days. I have wonderful moments that pass without a thought of a smoke. Hey, I’m doing this! I have met so many wonderful people already that I now call my forumily. They love me. They support me. I love them. I support them. We laugh together. We are silly and we are not smoking. We rock! I think maybe I’ve found my peace.

Month 4...BAM. Like a lead balloon,I land in a place that is very dark. My marriage has ended for sure. I am living alone and have lost my "friend". I need to get a grip and change the way I look at this "friend". My closest friends, the ones who were going to quit smoking, didn’t. I feel so alone and so sad.

I read some more. I am back daily on the forum and I remember what I’ve been told...to reach out. My wonderful forumily suggests things I might do. They hold me up gently and firmly until I find my legs. They continue to believe in me. They think I can still do this. I’m doubtful. I want to believe...I really do. But I hurt. All over. I still don’t smoke though, don’t ask me how. Then Ree (bless you) tells me about the website quitsmokingonline.com. My thinking slowly starts to change.

HOPE and my mantra, BELIEVE start to come alive again.

Something clicks and it’s close to month 6. I wish I had one aha moment. But I don’t. I calmly, slowly, peacefully reach this place and it occurs to me one evening as I’m lying in bed...I’m so happy. The feeling of peace simply washes over me and warms me entirely. Tears fall gently down my face onto my pillow. I am a non-smoker. I am happy. I’ve gone out, moved on, and lived my life somehow, without cigarettes, and it’s ok.

Maybe that was my aha moment, that night in my bed. Now I know what the others were talking about. It just keeps getting stronger and stronger, this peace. I like it. Then at 7 months…I’m honored by being placed in the Hall of Fame of the beautiful WOS, a dream come true. (Thank you Kerri, my sister) Thank you, all of you fabulous, wonderful, strong women for coming before me. Tears of absolute joy!

Fast forward through the moments now because the months start running together. There are moments and there may always be, where that little feeling...an urge...something vague comes, but it really is more like a little whisper. I acknowledge it just for a second and then say NOPE. Not for me baby. I’m a non-smoker. I’m living my life large as a non-smoker. My posts are full of thanks and peace.

I have one more trigger to get past….the Christmas holidays. Once again, I reach out and my forumily is right there, cheering me on and believing in me. Now it’s New Year’s Eve 2006 and I’m about ready to enter my first new year as a non-smoker. More peace and joy.

Now...here I am. April 18th, 2006, 1:00 pm. I have this new family of friends that I have laughed and cried with. I have seen some fall away, and I miss them so much it hurts. I pray for them; that they will find their way back home to us. I have seen some of my biggest heroes fall and get back up, brush themselves off and start over again. I am most proud of those. I was too chicken to ever take one puff I think. I know my weaknesses; I’m not that brave. I never want to do hell week again. Ever. It hurt too much.

I am so grateful for each and every one of you. (tears again) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every newbie that comes on, I read your posts of fear and hope, of pain and wonder...and I love you. I know just how you feel.

I believe in you.

Look at me, I’m just a woman who made some promises and then found some people who believed in her when she didn’t believe in herself. So let me believe in you please. Be strong. It is worth every tear, every ache, every pain, and every sorrow. You will find your place of peace.

I promise.

Now...on to year two and the 80% club!

Come join us at the club.

BELIEVE.