Larry's One Year Smoke-Free Milestone

" I dreaded going to bed at night and have my wife hear me coughing, wheezing.."

One year ago today I thought I had pneumonia. It turned out to be yet another greeting by the grim reaper we nicotine addicts know intimately as "smoking-related illness." It wasn't pneumonia, only a severe case of bronchitis and undeniable worsening of the early stages of emphysema -- an inability to breathe on my own. I dreaded going to bed at night and have my wife hear me coughing, wheezing, struggling for every breath, but I was in denial. I knew what was causing my breathing problems, yet felt powerless to stop the slow, agonizing process of killing myself with cigarettes.

People ask if I quit smoking cold turkey or did I use a quit aid. I tell them my quit aid for the first week or two was a debilitating illness brought on by 50 years of smoking. It made the thought of lighting up not quite physically impossible, but at the very minimum, revolting. Certainly not the ideal quit aid a nicotine addict should look forward to.

Just before 9:00 a.m. one year ago today, I placed the pack of smokes with the requisite Bic lighter lying neatly atop it back on the mantel for the last time. There they sat for over 2 months until I knew there wasn't a ghost of a chance that I would ever light another one. Next came faith ... the ability to believe what complete strangers (this forum) were telling me. Believing the written words coming magically across my computer screen from people writing with heart that yes, they had indeed been right where I was and had indeed experienced all the anxiety, frustration, confusion, anger, hostility and yes, even hopelessness that I was feeling.

I learned a new mantra: N.O.P.E.! I drank one more glass of ice water. I gave it one more minute, one more hour, one more day to see if the promised benefits would ever manifest themselves (I wanted them all, I wanted them now!). It took one heck of a lot of faith because not one of the promised benefits ever presented itself as an event, as something you could mark on your calendar and say ok, by that day I experienced this, that or the other. They were all processes that accumulated and grew over time. I've also learned that recovery from this addiction unfolds differently for each person.

So, one year later, what promised benefits have I realized?

First and foremost: my wife's (not to mention kids and grandkids) expressed pride that I finally took back control of my life, that I’m free to spend time reconstructing my life, time that I used to spend destroying it. That, my friends, is not insignificant!

Second: I no longer go to bed at night fearing I'll have to get up and spend the rest of the night trying to sleep in a chair because I couldn't breathe lying down. I don't have to lie about the reason I "couldn’t sleep."

Third: my wife tells me I don't wheeze anymore.

Fourth: we walk at least 3 miles every night after dinner, previously unthinkable for me. This one little thing has brought my wife and I closer and has given us time alone to think and talk to one another.

Fifth: since recovering from bronchitis almost a year ago, I’ve not had so much as a cold. It's the healthiest I’ve been in many a year.

Sixth: my wife says wrinkles are disappearing and my skin looks better.

Seventh: I feel physically stronger, mentally sharper, and more focused.

Eighth: an addict will always find a way, sacrificing anything or anyone to buy that next fix, so I got an old cookie jar, taped a picture of burning money to it and wrote "UP IN SMOKE" on it. Into that jar goes $5.00 each and every day as a reminder of what I was stealing from my family every time I got my nicotine fix.

Ninth: I no longer jump out of bed at 5:00 am, grab a cup of coffee and make a bee-line for the garage so that I can smoke half a dozen sickorettes, one after the other. I used to cough so violently I thought my head would explode and a lung would be expelled into the trash can. All of this to feel "normal" enough to start my day.

Tenth: I don’t have to hide from or stifle laughter anymore. I can have a good ole "roll on the floor belly laugh" without hacking up a lung and ending up doubled over, unable to breathe. The freedom I have gained is absolutely boundless.

If ten benefits are not enough:

• How about the self-esteem and confidence I’ve earned back (something no person can give, or take away)? I now enjoy a confidence gained through the knowledge that I can keep the upper hand over an insidious addiction.

• How about the fact I no longer crave or think incessantly about smoking?

• How about the numerous little things I keep noticing, like fingernails that no longer "curl" due to lack of oxygen in the blood?

The bottom line is this: the benefits promised by those anonymous written words that magically appeared on my computer screen have started manifesting themselves and I believe that, as promised, they will continue as I enter my second smoke-free year and beyond.

For those of you who are new to quitting and the smoking cessation forum, I can promise you that there are real people writing those words of encouragement and faith that magically appear on your computer screen when you announce to the world that you have had enough of this addiction; that you are desperate and need help. Have faith in those words, believe those words because they really do come from the heart, and we really have been exactly where you are.

Larry

One year, 15 minutes and 1 second. 7300 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,825.05. Life saved: 3 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 20 minutes.

Larry's Quit Story