Marah's Year of Quit Smoking Benefits

#8: When I smoked, I used to have to wake up 3 to 4 times a night to crawl out on my fire escape for a cigarette (while in my pajamas, even if it was snowing or raining). Opening the window each time in the dead of night made a really loud noise, and I was convinced that my neighbors all hated me because I woke them up constantly throughout the night. I worried about this a lot. I don't have to worry about that anymore.

#9: I pay the big bucks to live in a part of Baltimore that is not completely infested with crime. I live in a neighborhood that has tree-lined streets, flowers, parks. The problem is, as a smoker I never saw this neighborhood. I was so exhausted all of the time that I truly only went two places: to work and to the grocery store. On my days off, I slept for hours. Since I quit smoking, I now am out & about in my neighborhood every time I go running. I feel like I am part of my neighborhood now. The man who does the cleaning for the Masonic Temple waves me to me every time I pass, the mailman knows who I am (he told me that he used to run), and there is a man with no legs who sits in a wheelchair in front of the old people's home who also waves to me every day. This last man congratulated me yesterday when I told him I had gone a year without smoking. He said, "It's a hard thing to do. I know."

#10: Yesterday, I found a small ulcer or sore in my mouth. I didn't worry too much about it, and it was gone by this morning. If this had happened when I was a smoker, it would have been cause for major freak-out. I was terrified to look in my mouth when I was a smoker. Every bump, every discoloration, I was convinced was mouth cancer. I watched with horror as my gums receded alarmingly over the course of the last few years. My gums weren't pink, they were this ghastly pale whitish-purple. Meanwhile, my teeth were yellow and brown. My whole mouth scared me. I hadn't been to a dentist in 6 or 7 years until I finally quit smoking. Now, I've been to the dentist twice, and over the last year I have received two compliments on my white teeth! (Yes, I keep track of compliments...they cheer me up when I'm feeling down.)

#11: This is another benefit having to do with the fire escape (the fire escape is where I smoked). I had a neighbor who lived in the apartment building across from mine who, thankfully, has since moved out. It seemed like every time I was out there smoking, he appeared in his kitchen window. I used to just sit there dreading the sight of him because I knew he was thinking, "Oh my God, that pathetic loser is out there smoking AGAIN! She's out there every time I enter my kitchen! Is there any time, day or night, when she is not smoking?" I couldn't even enjoy my cigarettes because I was so self-conscious that he was keeping tabs on how much I was smoking. I also HATED being seen sitting out on the fire escape in my pajamas when other neighbors were on their way to work. (I work evening shifts, so I get up later.) I felt like such a loser.

#12: In my clinical for school right now, I am working in the state mental hospital. Many of the patients I interview have spent years using alcohol or drugs to self-medicate. Now they have two serious problems: mental illness and addiction. Because of what I have gone through in the last year, because I have seen the incredible power of addiction over an otherwise intelligent mind, I have a lot more empathy for my patients than I would have otherwise. I don't give them the usual, trite cliches. I don't assume that it should be easy for them to give up the drink/drugs once the physical detox is over. I know how incredibly hard it is to get over something like this, and I think this knowledge has made me a better and more caring practitioner.

#13: I used to sit at this computer and find it difficult to remain here for long because of breathing problems. I'd have to tilt my head and shoulders forward (in COPD "tripod" position) in order to feel like I was getting enough air. I also got out of breath walking on very slight inclines. At night, if I laid down flat on my back, my heart started beating really fast and I felt like I wasn't getting enough air. I don't have any of those problems anymore.

#14: Before, when friends and family would come to visit, I could never really enjoy being with them if they weren't smokers. I didn't want to smoke around them. Instead, I would spend the whole visit thinking, "I hope they leave soon, so I can smoke." This includes people I love more than anyone else in the world. So sad. Now, I can really be with people and enjoy being with them.

#15: I no longer have to go through ridiculous, time-consuming efforts to hide my addiction from the people at work. I only smoked at home on my fire escape, but to prevent my fingers from turning yellow I used to wear "smoking gloves" -- a disgusting pair of red knit gloves that reeked of stale tobacco. I wore them every time I crawled out on the fire escape to smoke. In warmer weather, I put Band-aids on my fingers in the spots where I held the cigarette. I also had a "smoking cap," which I wore every time I smoked before going to work ( I don't leave for work until 2:30pm, so the smoking cap got a lot of use). The idea behind the smoking cap was to keep my hair from smelling like smoke. I also plastered Vaseline on my face and neck, with the vague idea that it would protect me from the damaging effects of smoke (in reality, I think it was putting me in grave danger of getting blown up...I believe Vaseline is highly flammable). So, to appreciate the pathos of my smoking life, you need to visualize this: a Vaseline-covered woman in her late '30s, wearing bright red knit gloves, a red knit skull cap, and pajamas or sweats, hoisting herself out the window in order to crouch on the 3rd floor fire escape and smoke. And doing this 20-30 times a day. I can't believe that was my life! Pathetic!

#16: When I have to stay late at work, I no longer get tearful or angry. I used to flip out when I had to stay late -- because by that time I'd run out of nicotine gum, my cigarettes were at home, and I was starting to go into withdrawal. I'm sure the fact that I no longer go ballistic when obliged to stay late is helping my career.