"I have learnt that cessation doesn't happen overnight..."

Terry wisely said that the first year of being smoke free is full of healing and that is all the more reason the 7% Club is so special. I totally agree. It’s been one heck of a roller coaster ride but I have learnt so much in the process about cessation and about myself.

I have learnt that cessation doesn’t happen overnight; that it is an ongoing process even now a year down the line. I have learnt to be gentle with myself; this was no small thing I was doing and I had to give myself permission to have days when I wanted to scream and climb the walls and that those who loved me would understand. My best friend and I finally were able to move on and after a few tough months we are back to the easy relationship we had before. I learnt that because I wasn’t hiding behind a smoke screen anymore I had all these new found emotions and feelings that were very hard to deal with and I got kind of prickly and a bit headstrong for a while *g*.

I went through the grieving process of feeling like I had lost my best friend by giving up smoking, and the unexpected attitude of my mum who has yet to fully mellow and be happy for me. ((((Simon)))), your posts about this have really helped a lot in understanding why she is like she is - not only are you funny, but smart too - an irresistible combination - ahem - sorry I’ll stop flirting now or Lesly will get mad! ;-) The junkie thinking, the crying, and then out of the blue, the realisation that I had gone a whole day without thinking of smoking. Those days became more and more regular until I was going weeks without thinking of smoking. The huge surge of energy came and with it a new sense of peace. Anna, I have never forgotten you putting it so eloquently: “Your peace is on its way”.

My peace has well and truly come. Yes, I have days when I think about smoking but these thoughts are so fleeting and are so easily dealt with I am amazed. I am astounded by the amazing transformation that seems to have taken place - not only am I reaping the health benefits of being smoke free but my whole persona has changed in subtle ways. I am more self confident, more assertive, and so much calmer than I ever was as a smoker. I spent all those years telling myself that smoking calmed me down and it wasn’t until I stopped that I realised that I am so much calmer without them! I don’t ever want to go back to the person I was when I smoked.

All I can say to the newbies is that it does get easier, stick around - with the wonderful people on this forum, you will succeed:-) Make a promise to yourself that you will come and post before smoking and keep that promise. Many a time, I came and posted with tears running down my face because a craving had hit me big time but I always came away with something positive to hold on to and renewed hope for my continued win.

I’ll never be able to find the words to tell you all how grateful I am to you all for being there for me during this year. All I can do is say, with a heart that is full, thank you, thank you a million times. It doesn’t seem enough but what other words are there for gratitude? Whatever else old age makes me forget, I will never forget my wonderful forum family and what you have all done for me. Now let's PARRRRRRRRRRRRTAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!! LOL!

~Paula~ (Paula39100)