Tee's One Year Smoke Free Milestone

"I enjoy my freedom so much."

I didn't really start this journey by choice, but by necessity. Last May I had pneumonia (my 3rd case in 2 years) and was literally wasting away to nothing...I weighed a total of 98 pounds. I thought I would take a round of antibiotics and everything would go back to the way it was. When I went to the doctors I was told that I needed to have a cat scan (I ended up having 2) because there was something on the x-ray that needed a closer look. I was nervous and smoked even more. When the cat scan came back the report said that cancer could not be ruled out and I needed to have a biopsy.

I have to tell you...I was terrified and told myself there was NO way I was going to go be a smoker when I went in for that biopsy. I tried for 10 days straight to quit smoking and the furthest I could get was 8 hours.

On the 11th day,(May 23rd) all I had in the house were my husband’s "roll your own" papers and a can of tobacco. I'm lousy at rolling my own and when I went to light the one I had rolled it caught on fire (not enough tobacco, I guess LOL) and burnt my hair. Disgusted, I threw it in the ashtray and decided to take a nap. It was 12 noon. Glory be, I made it through the rest of that day and night.

When I woke up in the morning, I had 18 hours in and I wanted my fix bad! I went to grab a cigarette out of my husband’s pack and saw that he only had 2 left and I told myself...there is no way I'm giving up 18 hours smoke free for one cigarette (I knew he was going to get mad if I smoked them both. I was too sick to go to the store to buy some - I had a partially collapsed right lung and I wasn't getting much air in and out. I look back now and I'm just so amazed at how deeply entrenched this addiction was in my life. That I would even want to smoke at that point is astonishing! So I kept my quit.

On the fourth day of my quit I went in to have the biopsy. I can't tell you how proud I was to tell those who asked if I smoked, "No, I quit 4 days ago". It was a major victory for me because I was a nervous wreck. I told myself that if I could get through this without smoking, I could do anything without smoking! The Harbor Cancer Center did the biopsy (I didn't have health insurance) and I didn't know how I was going to pay for it. They ended up doing it for free (Thank you Lord!) and it came back negative for cancer! (Another Thank you Lord!) However, I do have some serious problems with my lungs from all the years I spent smoking.

Now, onto the good part...you guys! I had been with a support group, but they weren't very nice, so I started looking for another group and found the forum. I lurked for about a week and I will tell you why...I thought..."there is no way these people are really this nice to each other on a consistent basis." I wanted to be sure you were not like the group I was coming from. You certainly were not like them. I was amazed at how loving and supportive everyone was and so, I posted my first message. Christine was the very first person to respond to me! What a joy it has been getting to know her over this past year! You are a dear friend Christine. I sorely miss Tony and Grant, however. They are never far from my thoughts.

In the first few months the time just went so slllooowwwlllyyy. I likened it to being a little kid in the back seat of a car on a journey to somewhere exciting. And I was back there the whole time asking repeatedly, "Are we there yet?" "Are we there yet?" During this time I would tell anyone, anywhere that I had quit smoking. My quit was my life! If someone at work happened to wave to me as I was going down the hall I would shout: "Hey! I've got 7 weeks and 8 hours quit!"

When I hit 4 months smoke free, I hit a major obstacle in my life having to do with one of my children. Had it not been for Risja, I have no doubt I would have smoked. Thank you Risja for all that you have done for me. You are truly a treasure. I love you dearly.

At 6 months time started to fly by! It was really amazing how the stars started piling up! I would look at how far I had come and be amazed that I had gone so long without a cigarette. I would read the posts from those just starting this journey and I would ache for them because I knew what they were going through. I also knew that I would never, ever want to be in that place again.

At 10 months smoke free I grew frustrated with my quit because I was still craving cigarettes whenever I was stressed, sad or angry. I thought to myself: "Well, this is the way it's going to be for the rest of my life", and I determined that if that were so, I would just deal with it because I was staying a non-smoker. It wasn't long before things started to really change for me. Today, I no longer have a thought of smoking when I'm in a stressful situation or I am upset over something. I enjoy my freedom so much.

This journey has been made so worthwhile by all of you here at the forum.

Someone pour me some sparkling cider and I'll raise a glass to all of you! Thank you so much!

Tee