My smoking background
I am 44 and have been smoking since I was 13 years old. I started this journey to quit smoking in December of 2009, with many bumps. I went 28 days without a cigarette and fell off, hard. For the last 2 months I have been smoking again.
How I relapsed
I cannot put my finger on exactly what caused this relapse, but I did see it coming. I gave up on the fight and it seems the step-down transition from one dose of the nicotine patch to the next is the bump.
I am afraid. Afraid to live my life without a cigarette in my hand. Afraid that I am losing who I am by quitting. I am sure that seems stupid to most people, but when you have smoked for so long, it is like ending a marriage after 20 years. Even though you know it is the right thing to do, you still struggle with your decision. That is what I have done. I am taking this one step/day at a time. I truly feel like crying and maybe I will.
Lessons learned
- I am not exactly sure what I have learned except that I do not want to depend on cigarettes. I don't want to put cigarette smoke in my lungs anymore. Maybe I am learning that I do have the strength to walk away from this relationship, as hard at it is.
Terry Martin, Smoking Cessation Guide, says:
Take heart, feelings of sadness and loss are psychological side effects of physical addiction to a drug and they will pass with time. Almost all ex-smokers know exactly what you are speaking of, and had to endure the same feelings of fear and the emptiness that come with quitting and early cessation.Why am I So Afraid to Quit Smoking?
The good news is that this is a temporary condition, and with every smoke-free day you put between yourself and the last cigarette you lit, the less these thoughts will plague you. The day will come when smoking a cigarette no longer represents a part of who you are, and true freedom will be yours.
To that end, please do all that you can to face the harsh realities of what smoking does to our health head on:
And research how to overcome nicotine addiction:- Knowledge is Power - Forum Discussion
Do the work to change your relationship with smoking and you'll find that you can leave cigarettes comfortably in your past without a look back.
Smoking cessation is a gift that will reward you with benefits far beyond what you can probably imagine, so be patient and do the work to change your mind about smoking. Believe in yourself. You can do it!
