The Family Gathering - Insert Drumroll Here

I was invited to my Aunty Olga's 70th birthday in a different city which takes three to four hours to drive. Alone. On the highway. With nothing but me and the asphalt. Hmmm.

So this would be facing a thousand triggers, one of which being highway driving by myself when usually I'd have Cristina Aguilera blasting and my sunnies on as I zipped down the QE2 puffing away as I weaved between passing semi's and the more careful drivers.

I always hated it when the wind blew the ashes around, sometimes right back in my eye, and even worse, when the lit end fell off of my sickorette and I'd have to dangerously swerve or pull over to find it, praying frantically I hadn't burnt anything inside of consequence. So that part of it eliminated would be a blessing. But what would I do for three hours in the car?

And what would I do with another of my Aunts, Aunty Ann, with whom I had smoked furiously till three sometimes four a.m. filling up the ashtray to disgusting mountainous proportions whilst bonding, promising each other 'just one more and then we'll go to bed'? It had been our way of catching up with our lives, other family members and how they were, and reminiscing about my mother, her sister. It was a cherished part of every visit.

Not to mention there are always some stresses and slights in every family gathering. Whether they're real and present, or imagined and past, there they are, an inescapable intertwining of a group of people who know each other all too well and paradoxically, not at all. Sigh... I knew I had to go, and more than that, I wanted to.

After all, the adorable neices were going to be there, and as I've been looking into flights to somewhere warmer for over the Christmas period. This may be my last chance to see everyone for quite some time. On arrival, I felt great. Even with the windows cracked a bit, we don't realize how doubly toxic all of that swirling smoke is to inhale hour after hour in a long car ride, I actually felt rather refreshed.

Dinner was absolutely remarkable, platters filled to brimming with delectable mounds of seafood, cheeses, fresh fruit and dark chocolate truffles. It was fabulous to visit with Aunties, Uncles and cousins whom I had not seen in awhile, to catch up on their lives and tell them all about mine.

All of them, even the one cousin who still smokes, were hugely congratulatory and impressed with my abstinence from the addiction. Many of them having formerly smoked knew of the difficulties in the process, and some of them well, didn't. Either way, it was very validating and encouraging.

I have one sort of gruff Uncle who says the odd word now and then, but isn't the most loquacious dude on the planet; he is quite difficult to impress into conversation. Yet he raised his eyebrows upon learning of my smobriety, (seriously, this is a huge display of emotion for him) and asked me how I'd quit and how I felt.

He had tried to quit many times as a young adult, but to no avail. After his triple by-pass surgery however, he was able to quit smoking successfully and has not had one puff in four years. 'This last time was easy', he stated, ' I actually tried to have a puff one Christmas and it made me feel nauseous and tasted horrible. Guess I was just ready.'

I think it's marvellous. I also think triple by-pass surgery may have scared the desire right out of him and the 'one puff' theory is thoroughly dangerous, but never-the-less, he remains smoke-free to this day with the thought of ever smoking again not an option. It made me grateful that I hadn't waited for a surgery or an x-ray to terrorize me into a quit. Yet I will always maintain the reasons are not nearly as important as the action.

I received oodles of hugs from my adorable neices, ate like a starving woman, made the horrendous mistake of stepping on a scale, and another one as in disbelief, I stepped on a different one with the same results. (If anyone remembers what the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result - they will get the futility of the scale stepping action!). Eventually I shrugged and grabbed another truffle. What are family gatherings for if not to eat like an idiot?

Then one of the Big Tests came. Invited for a walk and talk back at Aunty Ann's place, I followed her dutifully and warily to the garage, shuffling my feet behind her as if on the way to the guillotine.

'We'll just have a couple and then go to bed.' she promised, and fussed around looking for the requisite matches and old tomatoe can than served as an ashtray.

'But I don't smoke any more Aunty,' which I knew she knew. ' I can't have one puff. Not ever.' I said quietly.

No response. Though she did look rather disappointed, she did not utter a word about it.

I still sat with her as we spoke about changes in our lives, things to do in the future, and philosophies we either agreed or differed on.

'I'm embarrassed I started again.' she said finally.

'I never should have picked up that one cigarette during that family visit. This is absolutely it after this last pack.' she said determinedly.

Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't. Having uttered those very words a million times myself, I knew they would be her truth when and only when, she was ready for it. I smiled. We were going back into the smoke free house, we had still bonded and talked, and I had passed a huge test.

The next day I was back on the highway, clear-headed and refreshed after a good sleep with no toxic smoke 'hang-over'. And what did I end up doing in the car for the six hours there and back? I sang. Let me rephrase that, I sang loudly! And actually hit a few hight notes I'd never thought I'd see again.

Move over Cristina! Okay, maybe not.