Theresa's (THERESA22510)One Year Milestone

"This celebration means SO MUCH to me."

On Saturday, I will celebrate ONE YEAR since I quit smoking. I've been thinking so much about it all - so much in fact, that those smoking dreams (nightmares) have returned.

This celebration means SO MUCH to me. I remember reading those milestone posts when I was a newbie, and couldn't even imagine writing a "It's my 1-year anniversary" post. I never thought I'd make it. NEVER. So, take heart newbies.

After 20 years of smoking (and several dismal, failed attempts to quit), a nasty old cold settled - once again - in my chest. Every cold settled in my chest back then, but this one made it difficult for me to take a deep breath. It felt like I was using only half of my lungs. I tried to ignore it, kept puffing away, but soon enough the fear engulfed me. I imagined that I had COPD. I decided to quit that weekend. I bought the patch, slapped it on, and began the most challenging journey of my life.

The first week was, well, HELL. You all know it. It was just Christmas, and I thought I would DIE if I couldn't smoke while decorating the tree or having a drink by the fire. Oh, I slipped once and took a few drags from one of the FOUR PACKS of cigarettes I had hidden in my closet (and wouldn't be able to toss out for about three months). But I couldn't go back. Well, one week dragged along - painfully, hour by hour - until I had 10 days, 15 days, 3 weeks, one month under my belt. It was agonizingly slow, and filled with cravings, negative thoughts, doubts, fear, oh and a few pounds of fat! But I kept coming here - to my sanctuary - and leaning on the help of friends. They got me through it. That, and a determination I had never felt before.

I worked out twice a day. I began to breathe deeply and easily. I smelled glorious. And, more than I can tell you, I wanted to smoke! Counting down days eventually led to months: 2,3,4. When I hit 6 months, I felt like I was in the clear. A few weeks later - bam, out of the blue - a craving for a smoke. Six months was the last time I celebrated this quit. From there, I mentally noted 7,8 months. By 9 months I forgot about the anniversary! Then it was 10, 11, the anticipation building.

I haven't had a true craving for a cigarette in MONTHS. As this anniversary approached, the thoughts reared their ugly, smelly little heads again, as if to say, "Hey, never get too confident. Never get cocky. I'm always back here, waiting for you." But I am well versed on how to beat them down: Smoking is not an option and A craving passes whether you smoke or not. Simple words. You've heard them before. There are times when they saved my life!

Since I quit, I have lost nearly 30 pounds. I have a new wardrobe, and none of it ever smelled like smoke. I exercise all of the time, and feel completely healthy and fit. I don't ever feel like an outcast sneaking her ugly, dirty habit behind everyone's back.

I am grateful to this site, to you - oldtimers and newbies - to those who think about quitting and those who quit smoking twenty years ago. You all give me faith and confidence and hope and inspiration. I will always drop by to see you, to thank you, and - if I ever meet you in person - to let you smell my hair. It smells like shampoo, NOT SMOKE, and I cherish that!

Theresa22510
_{Cigarettes and I parted ways for good on 12-14-01}