A Goodbye Letter to Cigarettes

Hey you,

I know I left without warning, but you should know that's my style. At some point, I just got fed up. I mean, I couldn't expect you to ever change, and you know that you didn't care if you hurt me to get what you wanted. Maybe you didn't start off with the intention to hurt, but by the time you got to me, you knew what you were doing. I'm sure you did. There was no use complaining or planning because that would be like giving you a chance. I didn't want you to have a chance so I just had to shut the door without saying goodbye.

Now, it has almost been a year and I still don't want to say goodbye in person, so I'm sending you this letter to tell you I will be saying a formal 'good bye' soon. Don't flatter yourself into thinking that if I saw you I'd be tempted to come back. It's not that at all. Seeing you makes me sick and mad at me more than anything else. You did trick me, but it was my choice to stay with you all those years. Actually, I heard the warnings. I just pretended not to hear. I was just fooling and hurting myself.

For the first time in my life, I regret something that I did. I regret having you as a part of my life for all these years. I am so disappointed in me and I am really trying to forgive myself. Seeing you and having to hold you again would just be too revolting now.

I often wonder what you got out of it? Was it just about the money? As much as I don't want to believe it, I know it was. I know there are other things in life that are dangerous like jumping off bridges tied to elastic, but that's also about fun. You were just about getting me hooked to make more and more money. What is really bad is that you knew that you were getting me hooked to something that was deadly for me. I can't believe that you could do this. I can't believe that you continue to be allowed to do this. I can't believe I was so stupid.

The other day I saw a huge poster advertising one of the brands that said something like red hot in the city with a picture of a beautiful sexy girl with legs up to her neck in red hot pants. I wonder if that girl really smokes? I know the lady at the kiosk with that deep voice and the dry, yellowish, wrinkly skin whose hands shake smokes. I used to buy you from her, remember?

I will take you out again. On the first anniversary of my coming to my senses, I'm going to take you out and destroy you. Every last bit of you that is still lying around is going to be mashed and buried. Then I'll grow a plant right over you - a type of tombstone 'cause you'll be dead.

See you in June then,
Possum (Antonella)