Paula's One Year Milestone

"Too many times over too many years, I had tried and failed..."

Today I have reached my one year milestone - one whole year smoke free - wow! It feels amazing just typing it!

I started my journey in January 2004, determined that I was going to be a non smoker. I was sick of being sick, terrified of what I was doing to my body by continuing to smoke, but also absolutely terrified to let go of my 'good friend' nicotine, who had been there for me through so much. I still maintain that for me, the hardest part of quitting smoking was picking that date and sticking to it. Too many times over too many years, I had tried and failed by setting a date, telling myself that it couldn’t be done because of stress and what was happening in my life; that I needed those sickorettes...but slowly, common sense seeped in. The fear overtook the 'need' for smoking and several slips later and third time lucky, I put my last cigarette out at 9pm on the 5th of March, 2004, and became a 'Mighty Marcher Phase 2'! It has been the best decision I have ever made in my life.

This is going to be a long winded affair - I have the new gown, glass of champagne in hand, and would like to thank... Firstly, I have to say a huge heartfelt thank you to Bunchy and Jilly, both of whom emailed me and supported me through the slip ups. I was full of shame and guilt for not sticking at it and was avoiding the forum. Bunchy wrote me a wonderful email and made me see that I had nothing to gain by continuing to smoke and that I should come back to the forum and post - which I did and of course, was met with understanding, sympathetic support and it gave me the strength to again set a new quit date on 6th March 2004. I came back and read and read and read.

One post that really struck a chord with me was Michelle’s 2 year speech and I printed it out for my journal. In fact, one of the things that really helped me early on was to print out the posts I found moving and inspirational and stick them where I‘d be able to read them. My kitchen units were covered, but it helped to have something positive to read while waiting for AOHell to connect! It was Lesly who suggested that I look at the new thread about the WOS and 'hook up with them' - I wrote a suitable, grovelling post to QB and became a member of the WOS - Kerri gave me my great WOS name (love it, love it love it!!!) and I haven’t looked back. I am now able to say that with the help of the wonderful people here, particularly my WOS sisters and the SAKE, I have been smoke free for A WHOLE YEAR!!!!!!! My little row boat is now a mighty ship set sail in the calmest, bluest of seas - ((((Michelle))) thank you:-)

Sometimes, the going has been tough, but with the help of you all here, I made it very soggily through Hell and Heck week. I reckoned I cried more during those 2 weeks that I have ever cried in my life, but I learnt from the forum that it was okay to cry, to let go and it was cathartic to do so. I made it through the early 3 month ickies and then some and every time I was able to say No to cigarettes, I became stronger.

Kerri became such a good friend - Listening to me whine and complain via IM when she was at work and probably having a million other things to do but always making time for me, always knowing the right thing to say, always making me smile and laugh and dragging me out of the pit of self pity so many times. I’ll never forget the Looney Bin either, Kerri showed me how to do a back flip off the top bunk and let me keep my marbles under the bed so I wouldn’t lose them. I am a better person for having met Kerri - without you as my mentor, I don’t think I would have gotten this far. You have become such a good friend, your scarf is still keeping me warm on these chilly days we have been having lately - I sometimes let my girls borrow it, but not often. :-) Your Christmas photo is hung on the notice board in my kitchen and my family talk about you as if you have always been a part of my life. I feel truly blessed to have met someone with such verve, compassion and articulacy - you truly are a Wonder (ful) Woman!!!

My first girls night out without the ciggies was shared on the forum and I felt the presence of my WOS Sisters, holding my hand for dear life and willing me to stay smoke free. That’s when I knew. I knew that with the help of the WOS and the forum that I was going to succeed this time. I came back from that night out, high as a kite, and couldn’t wait to come and post on the forum that I had made it through a night out in a bar without a cigarette!!!