It is so amazing that I am reaching my 19 month win on July 1, 2004. I put down sickorettes on December 1, 2002. It was a very difficult path for me. I had used sickorettes as a way of controlling a mood disorder and was in tremendous spiritual conflict over knowing I was doing something deleterious to myself, and had been for several decades.
I began smoking at age 12 trying to fit in. By the time I was 21, I was ordered to quit because I had a severe case of bronchitis, but I found I was too addicted to give up my addiction. I did manage to switch to a filtered brand over the non-filtered two pack a day habit I had.
When I was 30 I had a miraculous pregnancy. Two hospitals told me I could not conceive, but they were wrong. My baby would not allow me to smoke and I gave them up during my pregnancy up to the point of his being 10 months old for a total period of 19 months. I then had the proverbial "just one", and went on a roller coaster of trying to quit for 23 years. I had a bipolar disorder and used nicotine to control my moods. When I tried to quit, I would go into severe anxiety attacks and would suffer immensely.
I found the Smoking Cessation Forum and received tremendous help. I was lurking for about six months and kept breaking dates with myself to quit. Finally, I brought two packs of unopened sickorettes to church with me on a day that my Pastor had asked us to bring our false idols to the altar and threw them in the garbage can. Pastor rebuked the spirit of pollution and I have been smoke free ever since.
I am very grateful for my smobriety and as I come up on my 19 month win as of July 1, 2004, I am humble enough to realize that the only difference between me and a smoker is "just one". I know that I can never have just one sickorette again. I am grateful that God has delivered me from this terrible addiction, and I am committed to the fact that smoking is not an option.
I accept that from time to time there will be tempting moments. But I am willing to be uncomfortable for a few moments occasionally than to ever go through the years of torment and conflict over the illogical habit of nicotine addiction.
I have learned to turn to God and to a group of supportive and non-judgmental people on the Smoking Cessation Forum for comfort rather than to a substance that is a well known carcinogenic. This is an obvious improvement!
~Irene~
(RESERVED1948)