Starkik's Quit Smoking Story

For most of my life, cigarettes have been my crutch. I've always been very shy. I used to be very emotional. You can hide these things behind a smoke screen, did you know? If you almost feel something, light a cigarette and ignore that feeling. A couple of weeks ago, I broke down crying. My forum friends told me that I wasn't crazy.. it was just tears. I hadn't allowed myself to cry for years. It felt good.

I waited until I was married to become a serious smoker. I soon became an addict.. I smoked through pregnancies, I smoked holding babies...while I fed them, rocked them, and read to them. Around this time, health agencies were trying to tell us just how badly we were harming ourselves, and others, but... the tobacco companies were still trying to argue against that, and who did I want to believe?

When the kids were in school plays and sports... I ducked outside at every opportunity, for that all important smoke. By now, the schools were non-smoking. By now, we knew... it was bad. And the kids were learning this in the schools... and coming home and preaching to us! I'm so ashamed to remember the times that I told them to "just move away from the smoke, then". My son tries to talk to me, but, soon gives up. My daughter never stops harping. Around about now, my husband betrays me. He quits smoking. And, I hate myself because I don't. Well, that's not quite true. I quit a few times. Then, I quit quitting.

Fast forward... kids graduate college, moved away, and by now EVERYONE hates smokers. No matter where you are, you must STEP OUTSIDE to smoke. I almost feel shame... but, I smoke that feeling away! How dare these people try to make me an outcast? I've got 2 or 3 smoking friends left, and we are totally annoyed by all of this .(as we huddle outside in a snowstorm) And you know what? Now, I'm feeling something. I'm feeling COLD.

Fast forward again...about a year ago, I started planning my daughter's wedding. I knew that I must cut way back on my smoking because it would be tacky for the mother-of-the-bride to be constantly going outside to smoke. During the next 9 months, I went from 2 packs to 3 packs a day. Nice cutback, huh? By this time, I am worried about the wedding reception. Will I be able to dance through a full song, without having a heart attack? My whole family is coming in for a 3-day weekend, and how am I going to get my naps? I realize that I have been barely functioning. I was all right, if I didn't have to actually move around!

The wedding day came. And, oh it was so beautiful, and she was so beautiful. AND, I surprised myself. I did pretty well. When the weekend was over, and everyone went home, I crashed for 2 days...and decided that I should stop moving around. It was very tiring.

About 3 months after the wedding, I'm web-surfing, and I'm thinking, maybe I'll look into hypnosis. I find a Smoking Cessation forum, and leave a message... has anyone been hypnotized and does that work? The next day, my email box was full of replies. Not a one of them said the right thing. No one said, go get hypnotized, it's a cinch. But, everyone said that I could quit smoking, and they would help me. And that it wasn't too late. That there was life after cigarettes! And you know who you are, and if you all are reading this.. Thank you, a million times, thank you.

Almost 2 smoke-free months later, I'm walking, when I don't even have to. Uphill mind you! I haven't napped in weeks. But, when I go to bed at night. I actually sleep until morning! And when I wake up, I don't lie in bed and dread getting up. And I know that I have a lot of improvements ahead of me. This is a beautiful Fall day. I love Autumn. I love the smell of it, the crispness of the air, the beauty of the leaves turning colors. I was out for a drive today. I sang, I laughed. I can't even express how thankful I feel. Right now, I'm crying. and it feels good.

Deb ~Starkik~