A Trip to the Emergency Room...

I watched in silence as they treated him and gave him prescriptions. I threw his open pack of cigarettes in the waste bin at the emergency room. I also threw away 2 brand new packs that I had in my purse. What I didn't do was throw away an open pack that I had of my own. I hid it, so that I could smoke "just one more" on the way home. After all, we were in separate cars!

I took a different route home than he did. I got a cigarette out to light as I turned the corner. I felt weird. At first I couldn't identify what was wrong, but as I held that cigarette in my hand, it hit me: I was furious with him for getting ill. How dare he make me quit smoking! Shame washed over me as the thoughts formed. I was angry at the person I loved most in the world because I didn't want to give up my drug addiction. For the first time in my life, I saw my smoking realistically. I was a drug addict, and it had to stop.

I promptly tossed all of the cigarettes out of the window and began to cry. I took a deep breath, and made it the rest of the way home without so much as a puff. This simple act was the best thing I have ever done.

It became easier after that. I no longer wanted to be an addict. I wanted to live!

I suffered an array of withdrawal symptoms. The first three days were awful. I sweated, overslept, overate, cried, yelled, coughed and fought some incredible cravings. At the end of day 3, I was on the Internet as I realized I needed some help. I did a search for 'smoking cessation'. The first site that popped up was About.com. I found the forum and began to read messages.

After a few hours of reading about my addiction and the experiences of others who were in the same boat that I was, I decided to post a message of my own. Within 15 minutes, someone had responded. I was so elated to find support and the responses continued to pour in. I honestly don't know if I would have stayed smober had it not been for this Web site and its members. There were some very difficult days, but I was never alone. Even during the most desperate moments, there was always an outstretched hand or a kind word.

I am now 2 months smober.

I am a free woman! The time I used to spend poisoning myself I spend with my family. I no longer cough, I no longer need an inhaler at all, and I can walk as far as I like without becoming winded. My hands and feet used to go numb a lot. This symptom is also gone! Near the end of my smoking, my 4 year old daughter had taken to saying "Mommy, be careful not to die" every time I lit up. She is now free of that fear for good.

As for the importance of support, I have only had 3 bad days since I joined this forum. My husband, who has no such support system, reports that he still has cravings every single day.

~Tana~
(Sysperia)